Ok, so I have this guy friend. We have been friends on and off for the past 12-13 years. Now, in knowing each other all this time, it’s apparent we have history. I sat this weekend and pondered why is this relationship, a revolving door? It just keeps coming around AND at times where I need that genuine friendship and I’m free.
When pondering my situation John 4:16-18 came to mind. Here we have the Samaritan woman speaking with Jesus at the well. He tells her go get your husband, and then reminds her not only have you had 5 husbands the one you are with now isn’t your husband either. (Paraphrased)
Let’s talk about the men I have had serious relationships with. At the time, I felt they were good choices for boyfriends and/or spouses. I realize now that even though these guys had good hearts, we were all hurting. Like K. Michelle, I loved them all. (Lol) Even now, I still have love for them, as I am a loving human being. I attracted that which I was. I can remember times me and these guys would sit, have deep conversations, laugh, and share soul cries. Painful tears. Not from us hurting each other but from pain inflicted by other individuals. Soul cries appeared from our eyes as we shared love somehow we had never received. These relationships are amongst some of the unhealthiest relationships a woman can enter into.
Now, back to my 12 year friendship. This guy has been in my life on and off during these periods. As I share some of my experiences with him I see a glimpse of sadness and pain in his eyes. Just to describe him a little, He is about 6’2, chocolate, thick, military man, established, no kids, and did I mention handsome. Ok lol. So it was during prayer today, that I realized this man loved me. Genuinely loved me. I was floored. To think all this time, that I have had all these men come and go, there was this man that loved me for me. The only problem was I was too blind to see and he was trained not to show a hint of emotions. (He is 20+ years military) Now, I know what you are thinking, hey go for it. Let me remind you, I just made a vow of celibacy and a “sabbatical”, that for a year, I was not going to enter a relationship or be physically intimate with anyone. YEAH PERFECT TIME GOD!! LOL…
I share this part of my life because, I know that there are a lot of women out here who have been abandoned, divorced, widowed, and just down right been unfortunate in the men department, but there is hope. Thoughts still play in my mind that, if my friend knew everything would he still want to love me? If I shared my inner most battles, struggles, and demons would he still be here? Well I’ve shared a lot and he has still been a lending ear when I reached out.
Sometimes it takes you stepping away from the normal drama, and just being. Being in the presence of God, so that He can awaken your soul and spiritual eyes. This is not to say that I and my friend will get married and live happily ever after because I don’t know our future but I do know its unfinished business. But that’s not my focus. There are blessings amongst your wildest dreams if you just stop listen and pay attention.